GodWink & Papa

If you read my last post (The Art of Letting Go), then you know a little bit about my recent frustrations in finding my ceramic style and deciding what all to offer. The other day I had a God-wink. I was beginning to grow extremely annoyed with myself this past Monday and decided to take a nap after I dropped my pieces off at Davens to be fired. When I woke up, I had a Facebook notification that Alex had tagged me in a possible vendor event that was free to participate in and I couldn’t help but smile after I saw it all come together.

Backstory-

January of last year, my Papa passed away. We weren’t expecting it until he fell and it went downhill from there. He wasn’t responsive while he was in ICU or in hospice with the exception of his breathing patterns and heart rate when we were talking to him on his one and last night of hospice. Saying this goodbye was the most difficult thing I have ever been through because he was definitely listening, but he couldn’t respond. It’s gotten easier since but I still find myself thinking “I wonder if Papa will be coming to the house during Christmas!” or writing his name down on my list of people to make mugs for or having the thought of calling him and inviting him to an event that I’m participating in or telling him news. It’s weird because it’s been a year now and this still happens often. I’m sure one day it’ll feel more real to me but I’m preferring the random thoughts now rather than nothing at all.

Papa was one of the very few who I felt had complete confidence in my art and my decision to become an art major. Most people didn’t understand it and outwardly doubted it, but he never doubted it in our conversations, at least. He was a businessman and I used to have dreams about us opening a business together with him as my advisor and myself as the creator. I thought “when I make it decent one day I’m going to buy a house with a nice floor level in-law suite for him to live in so neither of us will ever have to be alone again and it will be so cool and he can tell me which pieces to keep and which to sell and I cannot wait.” Well we didn’t get that far, but he did gift me with a pottery wheel 4 years ago. He drove all the way up to Dunwoody and took me to Davens and insisted on getting a Whisper Wheel (the really really nice wheel).

When he asked the Davens employee which was best, after I repeatedly told him to just get the cheapest wheel and the employee said that I could always buy the cheaper one now and use the money I make to purchase the Whisper and use my old wheel as a trimming wheel. BUT Papa’s response was “Which one is a professional wheel? She is a professional so she needs a professional wheel,” and then purchased the one that was twice as expensive- who I named Hermi, after Papa.

At the time I was no where near thinking I was professional. I was a straight-up beginner, but he saw my potential. Having this wheel allowed me to stay up until 5am throwing if I wanted to instead of having to drive to midtown for the school’s studio or to Decatur for the clay studio. It gave me the freedom to explore my art when I wanted and as much as I wanted.

Back to real time-

Papa was also a Vietnam Veteran; he served as a Marine. The Facebook opportunity that Alex tagged me in is a benefit for Vietnam Veterans, so I messaged the event leader and signed myself up. I don’t know if it was the nap that made me feel better or what.

But afterward, my mind felt so much lighter and my mood had lifted, all because of this nudge from Papa. His whisper reminded me why I enjoyed ceramics so much in the first place and that there is no need to put so much pressure on myself because becoming a professional takes time and patience. And honestly, I’m just excited about being able to honor Papa at this event, and I may even meet some other veterans who could have known him.

Thanks for the nudge and giving me a smile, Papa.