The Art of Letting Go

Hello!

Britni here! I gotta tell you a story/realization of where I’m at right now with exploring the “let go” mentality in my art.

I have been so busy with making and as much as I sometimes just want to sit and read or watch tv or go to coffeeshops, I do love when my motivation sparks and I can sit at the wheel and flow.

However, a few years ago I realized that I am not naturally inclined to “ceramicize”. I had found that I could not communicate as freely, deeply, and comfortably with clay as I could with wood- which is why I studied woodworking. As of right now, I have multitudes of ideas in working with wood, but out of lack of convenience and time, I don’t get around to playing in the shop as much as I would like. Ceramics have become my priority lately with help from my in-house studio.

Now this is great AND challenging. I love clay and I love being able to consume drinks and food out of dirt/mud that I formed. It’s fulfilling and gives me a sense of satisfaction. But I am struggling to find my style. For you artists who are reading this, maybe you understand all too well. With woodworking, I know exactly what I want, even though there are times that I am not satisfied with the piece I make, it doesn’t disappoint me. I can take those losses much more easily. With clay, though, I become so discouraged and I feel like I should know so much more than I do. Everyday I learn new things but it’s like I’m so behind that I feel like I’m not doing enough.

Mix that feeling with a need for consistency and what do you get? I cannot even explain it! I want a certain style, but I have found that I spend more time than necessary trying to get similar or identical forms that are just plain uncomfortable to me to throw. This worldwind of doubt and desire to be better mixed with self-disappointment has been going on for a few months now as I’m trying to figure out PuppiMudworksCo. And it has nothing to do with clay or making or selling or creating individual pieces, this it totally internal; it is also enlightening though because this is the same feeling I had when I transferred schools and joined the Ceramics Program. It’s a feeling of not belonging, or rather having a brain that does not align with how the others in the program thought- nothing against the program or the other artists in the program, I just couldn’t relate my thoughts to theirs. I don’t see a piece when I look at clay as I do with wood.

I’m hoping this makes sense to you. And this feeling that I had resulted in me taking a semester off of school to breathe and relax and just kind of rewire my brain, or at least try to forget and start over. Though this break put me behind on graduating, I REALLY needed it. During my semester off, I was at my lowest of lows in my art life and my personal life, I realize now. I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t have confidence, and I dropped down to working 3 days a week so I could spend the other 4 days in bed eating block cheese and drinking wine and watching everything I could on Netflix. I begrudgingly returned to school the next fall and found a home in the Sculpture Program and that really brought me back- and to think, I almost didn’t take Intro to Woodworking out of pure laziness because that would mean I had to go to school 5 days a week instead of just 3. Shoutout to Nimer for being the first professor I’ve had at GSU for actually being interested in what he was teaching in a way that didn’t feel like all he wanted to do was criticize work. He was much more interested in helping us learn and dig deeper and give constructive criticism, and that helped me to find my passion.

Today, I am here to say that I’m not letting myself go into to any kind of slump! That was old Britni, the one who couldn’t let it go. But now, I have found a different approach that doesn’t involve sulking and (as much) cheese.

I am a lover of consistency and there are many insta-famous ceramic artists out there who use the same color glaze but different shades and have mugs that all look the same and their profile has a certain aesthetic that is so beautiful. When I used to dream about being a ceramicist, I wanted that. I wanted consistency and their aesthetic and all the stuff. But then you look at my apartment and yeah it may have an aesthetic, maybe like a cozy artist loft look, but I wouldn’t say it was interior design worthy. And thats not what I’m looking for, because I’m me and I make so many different types of things and I have my art filling my floorspace and walls and shelving (too bad I wasn’t that great at digital graphics because then all I would have and need is a flash drive). I want my art to be me.

So after speaking to my confidantes, they agreed that I need to let go of the need for consistency.

Let go.

L e t  g o .

This has been my mantra lately and it’s a hard one. From letting go of the negativity in my life to letting go of the past- and now I’m letting go of the expectations I hold for myself that are not authentic to me.

We decided to try organic shapes- let’s use mugs for example. I love the little handles on mugs, the finger handles. So many other people love the “loopey doop” handles though. I love consistency, but as a consumer, I love unique. So Monday night I sat down with 12 wedged balls ready to throw mugs, and instead of making vino mugs or tall mugs or typical mugs, I let the clay form what it wanted to form.

GUYS.

Doing this cut my production time in half! I didn’t scrap any pieces! And I actually love the forms I made!

Who would have known?!

So I am pleased to inform that there is no need to send cheese because we are good. I tell you all this just because I am a firm believer in transparency and maybe you’re one to appreciate that.

Throughout this experience, I’ve learned that letting go can open you up to a freedom that you’ve never felt before. Letting go of my past has taken away that feeling of unworthiness, or like I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve what I have. I felt extremely lousy about myself for a long time, with the help of other people’s opinions and judgments of me (by the way, don’t be that person. We are ALL going to make our mistakes, but don’t be the person on the outside who judges and calls names when you should be the person helping someone in need. There is a reason we do things that maybe aren’t so great for us. We all just really want to be loved, not transgressed by people who could help the most just from standing by your side.). And then I have let go of some people, or at least my consideration (is that the word?) for their opinions- not because I lack respect for them at all, I will respect until it is no longer deserved- but let go of considering their opinions because of respect for myself. That’s the thing! Respect yourselves. Let go of all of the other things that don’t matter in the big picture because you are the one living your life and you gotta live it for yourself. This has taken a long time for me to learn and accept, and now it’s happening in my art. Full Circle.

Okay, I’m done side-noting now. Keep on hitting me with your cool ideas and let’s make it happen!